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The One Strong Mother Podcast
Pull up a chair, pour yourself a cup of coffee (or reheat it for the third time—we get it), and join me for candid conversations about the messy, meaningful intersection of motherhood and personal growth.
This isn’t just a podcast about planners and productivity—though we love a good system around here. It’s about what it really looks like to pursue your goals while raising a family, managing chaos, and trying to stay grounded in the process.
Each week, I’ll share stories from my own life, behind-the-scenes lessons from building the One Strong Mother brand, and practical tools to help you stay organized, get intentional, and move forward—even when it feels like you're doing it all with a baby on your hip and laundry on the couch.
Whether you're in the thick of diapers or driving teens to practice, there's space for you here. Let’s figure it out together, one strong mother at a time.
The One Strong Mother Podcast
Motherhood and Sexuality: Unveiling Loneliness, Pain, and the Need for Body Awareness
Ever felt the twinge of loneliness even while being surrounded by your kids? That was a reality for Ashley and I, as we shared our personal stories of missing our loved ones and the unexpected solitude that motherhood can bring. We also celebrated the unique joy and privilege of raising children who crave our presence.
In the wake of intimate moments, have you ever experienced pain that caused you to retreat? We bare our souls on this topic as we unpack the often-ignored issue of painful sex, its effects on relationships, confidence, and how pelvic floor physical therapy can be a game-changer. Emotional connection is key in every relationship, and it's high time we felt comfortable discussing these topics.
Do you know your body well enough? The final thread of our conversation meanders through the complexities of female anatomy, orgasms, and the significant role of communication in achieving sexual satisfaction. We navigate the importance of understanding your body, the right sexual positions, and how not every woman can achieve orgasm from penetration alone. Be sure to share this empowering discussion with other mothers in your circle and remember to subscribe to our podcast. Let's normalize these conversations together!"
P.S...
Don't forget to subscribe here for our monthly give away and to stay up to date about our course that is releasing oh so very soon!!!!
Until next time ladies!!
Hey, welcome to the One Strong Mother podcast, the show dedicated to empowering and inspiring moms just like you to embrace strength, balance and well-being in the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
Speaker 1:We're your hosts, charlie and Ashley, fellow moms, on this incredible journey together. Each week, we'll dive into candid conversations, expert insights and real life stories that explore the many facets of modern motherhood From pelvic floor rehab to nutrition, from stress management to self-care. We're here to provide you with the tools, wisdom and encouragement you need to thrive as an individual while nurturing your family. So, whether you're listening, well, on a quick coffee break or during those precious moments of solitude, know that you're part of a vibrant community of One Strong Mothers. Together, we'll navigate the challenges, celebrate victories and empower each other to become the strong, resilient women we were all born to be. Thank you for joining us today and, without further ado, let's dive into today's episode. Welcome back, ladies, for another episode of the One Strong Mother podcast. Your favorite hosts are in the house Ashley and Dr Charlie are here with you today. Oh yeah, how's it going, dr Charlie?
Speaker 2:Oh, you know, it's another day. We just keep on keeping on people it's all good it's all good. How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm great I am. My daughter's gonna walk in the door any minute now, so I'm just, you know, like soaking up, soaking up the alone time while I have it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, same here, same here I gotta go teach kickboxing here in a little bit oh nice yeah, just kinda having some downtime between patients and teaching kickboxing yeah you know cause you're not busy at all. No no, no but that is completely me. You know your downtime and, like, my downtime is different than a lot of people's. I want my downtime to be like okay, now you guys get to know a little bit more about me.
Speaker 1:Please, please share Charlie.
Speaker 2:I used to play soccer. I was a goalkeeper, I played the higher end levels of soccer and I enjoyed the Bajibis out of it. But that gets my mental game, like where I can focus, you know, and just kinda let me be, and so you know, doing those workouts and enjoying myself, you know, in that respect, and letting my brain just kinda go wherever the heck it wants to, or if it's mush, okay, I'm just gonna let me be, and so that's my downtime, and I like it. What about you? Do you like downtime?
Speaker 1:Only for a little bit, and then I get really like antsy and anxious because I feel like I'm wasting my time.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's why you gotta do something yeah no, I do find myself craving more and more downtime though, because I never get a single like with Rob being deployed. I never get a single second to myself like my day. So I literally look forward to Fridays, where I have just this short window of a couple of hours, because we only work half days on Fridays and so I have that like short window of like two and a half hours before one of my kids gets home, and then it's like balls to the wall and it's wild, because I really thought this deployment would be easier than the last one because I have older kids. But my God, they want to be at my butt 24 seven. What a privileged problem to have. Like cool my kids. I've done. I've done a good enough job at my kids when I hang out with me, but none of a gun. My kids want to hang out with me.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God. And when your kids need that attention. They need that current attention. So how?
Speaker 1:is it?
Speaker 2:going without Rob here? How? How are you doing with the deployment piece? You guys are separated for a while. He's your other half, I know.
Speaker 1:It's. How is it really sad? I am really honestly like he's like my freaking best friend and that I have not always been able to say that we are not that couple that like got married as best friends. We got married under a certain set of circumstances and we kind of have just figured life out as we go. But I can tell you like, through all these years of development and growth and our own paths, I, I like I did not know that I could miss him this hard, like, like well, it's been two months, freaking hurts and how ridiculous. Like, ah, it physically hurts that he is gone and it makes me sad.
Speaker 1:I just like, even down to, this is so stupid, so silly, even down to the fact that Natalie loves the pillows that we sleep on, and anytime my parents come into town, they take her room because she has a queen bed, and so I just let Natalie come sleep with me and she doesn't like her pillow and she and our pillows are really expensive, and so it's not like I'm just going to like go out and buy her the same pillow that we have right now. Anyways, she asked me the other day she's like Mom, can I still dad's pillow while he's here and I looked at her. I was like absolutely not. No, you can't. And she was like why? It's not like you use it? And I'm like no, you don't understand. Like that is like the only thing that I have of your dad's that I can like feel him next to me like he died or something you can't have my best friend's pillow.
Speaker 2:It's mine. You just made that. He took all like the good shirts that you love to have.
Speaker 1:He took all of them.
Speaker 2:Yes, I know.
Speaker 1:I can't even wear his clothes.
Speaker 2:Gosh darn it Dang it Rob. I know Rob, you and I need to have a conversation when you put back. Sir, I know I know you're listening to these two.
Speaker 1:And, of course, like you know, I miss having the intimate parts of my life and I just I'm lonely and sad and I just want my friend back. So bad, but we're here, we're making it work. It is what it is.
Speaker 2:I guess that you know that kind of leads us into our topic today.
Speaker 1:I know, and I was laughing because this topic is like so hush-hush for people, but I wish that they, I wish that it was more normalized. So maybe we'll normalize it today. But you know, I was telling you that I was out to dinner with a friend and she made a comment to me and when I looked at her and I was like that's not normal, like you don't have to deal with that, we were, you know, of course we were talking about like our bedroom life and having sex and like all the struggles that come with having kids. But but she had mentioned that she it's like it's painful for her to have sex and so it's really become a damper in their life and now they kind of struggle with their relationship because it's painful and so therefore she doesn't want to engage in having in sexual activities and therefore he, you know, and it's easy for men to take that personal and like, well, what's wrong with me? Like why am I not good enough? Like are you not interested? And so it's caused confidence issues and then it's just like almost like a chore versus something that they engage in intimately and it's just, I don't know.
Speaker 1:It had me reflecting too and I, like it, broke my heart because me and Rob are not in that place in life right now and we definitely gone through like ebbs and flows in our sex life of it's a chore because we're tired parents of five kids. Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, it just made me sad. My heart was sad for her and I think that I think that women in general struggle with like it's almost like we're ashamed to say these things out loud, because then that means that maybe something's wrong with us, Like maybe we're broken. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, and that's one of the reasons I became a pelvic floor physical therapist. I mean, if you caught me 10 years ago I would say no way in your mind would I have ever become a physical therapist. But I tell you the amount of patients that I see on a daily basis. I would say probably 90% of my day is pelvic floor.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's huge because, you're right, it is such a hush, hush topic, but yeah and I'm going to say this out loud sex is a massive part of your relationship with your partner.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's huge. Yes.
Speaker 2:Because that gives you the intimacy, that gives you the connection. Especially for women, men actually get that intimacy and that connection as well. And that's why, when you're finished I mean even as new parents, and you know it feels like a chore and everything like that you still hang on to each other. You know it's not, it shouldn't be rushed at all but even if you have 30 seconds I know that sounds weird, but even if you have 30 seconds and you can make it where you have an intimate connection, it's a really good thing to have intercourse. Now I'm not saying have intercourse, gosh, three times a day, because we know that that can be very painful, but just having that connection with your partner is really good to have.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, so that's a hard place. Not only is it hard to not hard well, it's not hard for me nowadays, but back when I think, when I was younger and like, new or married, we've been married. This will be our 15 year anniversary this in 24. Congratulations, oh yeah, you know what I never thought we would see that day. Like I can truly tell you that that is like groundbreaking work right there, that we invested in our marriage because we were freaking, young, stupid and had no business getting married when we did.
Speaker 1:And, oh my God, like I really actually would like to write a book on our story one day when we're both ready to. But not only is it hard to talk about it with your girlfriends, because you're afraid of almost that comparison, but it's even harder to be honest with your partner and talk about it with like that's a hard thing. Like I would rather talk about freaking finances and budgeting Well, not nowadays, but back in the day. Like I would rather you lecture me about money than open up and talk about sex with my husband.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's you know, when patients come in, a lot of times I will hear things about incontinence and constipation surgeries, stuff like that. But it you know, I have a question that I always ask and this leads me down whether I go down a rabbit hole or not. I have a question of do you have pain with intercourse? And it has to be flat straight out question Yep. And if patients answer or there's a hesitation of, I know there's a problem, I know there's a problem and it's not.
Speaker 2:And, ladies, I'm going to be truthful, this is an area that we don't always understand things. There's so many different directions to go with this topic, but it is not always the women that have pain with intercourse. It's sometimes the male that has pain with intercourse, which can create pain for the women when you have intercourse. Hmm, I don't think I have worked.
Speaker 1:I don't think I've been working with you long enough to see one of those cases come through. That's interesting.
Speaker 2:There's so many diagnoses that you can have. Pyronys is a huge diagnosis that can impact both men and women with intercourse and create pain. But you know what? There's huge things in the pelvic floor world. That one there should be no pain with intercourse. And what do I mean? I mean there is times that patients are like well, anytime we have even start of intercourse there's pain. Or when we have intercourse, during intercourse, I'll have pain topically or I'll have pain deep. And then there's times that women will be like I don't have pain during intercourse but I have pain after intercourse. Yup, and it can last, you know, hours to days and sometimes weeks, and those are all big no-nos. You shouldn't have any of that. So the big thing that I tell my ladies specifically is stay within a pain-free, safe zone for your body.
Speaker 2:It doesn't mean you have to have penetrative intercourse all the time. Intercourse does not mean penetrative all the time. It can be something different.
Speaker 2:And so you have to be fine with that. You have to get through to that topic. Yup, it's okay to have steps to penetrative intercourse. We also have to look at we talked about this last time stress management a little bit with nutrition too. We have to be okay with our stress management and that breathing oh my gosh, that breathing plays such a large role in our course. You know, if you're scared, if you're with a partner you know is gonna be safe, but you have that protective response. We gotta get you out of that protective response. You have to be in control of your body and remain feeling in control of your body the entire time. You have to 100%. And if you're in the middle of intercourse and you're like, ooh, I don't feel safe, I don't feel this is okay, you have to be okay with saying stop and your partner has to honor that request.
Speaker 1:Yep, you have to. Sex is so vulnerable, so vulnerable.
Speaker 2:You're in your most vulnerable stages and, ladies, if there's a point where you're just like, oh my God, I have to have sex because my husband wants to have sex or my partner needs to have sex, no, that is not the answer. That is not the answer. You need to be okay with having intercourse. You can't have it forced and rushed on you. That's no, no.
Speaker 1:No, because then you tense up and then it's just gonna end up causing oh my God, I can't talk causing more pain at the end of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the answer you know. There's a statement that goes around that says no pain, no gain.
Speaker 1:Oh God, no, I feel a phrase. And no, yeah, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:So in the physical therapy world sometimes we have this change in from of no pain, no gain with the N-O word. We change it to K-N-O-W Know your pain to know your gains. That's good, I like that, yeah, so that you mentally can get there and you don't feel the anxiety, you don't feel the stress, you feel like you have a great opportunity to be mindfully aware of where you're at and where's a good place that you need to be at for this.
Speaker 2:So you know the pelvic floor is just another set of muscles, and we can control our muscles, for sure, but no pain, please. No pain, no pain at all.
Speaker 1:No, no, and that good old breathing technique. Man Golly does breathing just like I feel like breathing just solves all your problems.
Speaker 2:It does. It's a great foundation to start with, oh God.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you the foundation of one strong. I'm telling you like the first shirt that we ever create is just, it's literally just gonna say breathe. And all of our followers who are like true fans are gonna get it and they're gonna love it, because if you just breathe, it'll just solve every crisis in your life. It may not like be the end solving piece of it, but it'll solve part of it, right? But, oh my God, oh my God, but you know what's really hard. Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, I think back to our marriage and there were so many times. So I'm thinking, like when you say, when you mentioned, some people don't experience pain during, but they experience pain after. I was actually one of those people who experienced pain after and I don't know if it was because of my hip dysplasia or if it was because of having kids and never going through pelvic floor rehab after, like postpartum. It did stop after my surgeries, like I had, but I actually think it might have been related, because it's actually questions on, like when you go to that first intake appointment down in Denver, when I was first seen by Dr Swan, that was part of like the questionnaire of them deciding like is this surgery beneficial? Are you bad enough off that you might need this surgery? And that was like how is it affecting your sex life? Are you experiencing pain?
Speaker 1:So I am wondering if people do experience pain who have hip dysplasia? But I was one of those people and you know what's crazy is like. We would have like one of our spicier nights, like not listen. Not every sex night is spicy, but some of them were. Some of them are when he's in person and here.
Speaker 1:I know I know it's time to come back. I need some spice back in my stomach. Anyways, it was like it was known in our bedroom. It was known like if we had a spicier night, like he wouldn't even like lay a hand on me the next morning. He would always ask me like how are you feeling? Cause he would always know I'm gonna hurt the next morning. And it was like sometimes it was like period cramps, sometimes it was a little like deeper, I don't know like I it was, it was just interesting.
Speaker 1:But for the longest time, like there for a while, for several years in our marriage, like I was afraid to tell him because I didn't want to feel broken, like I didn't feel like I was a functioning woman, because it brought me pain. Like who has pain with sex? I shouldn't. I knew it wasn't normal, but I didn't know how to talk about it and it wasn't until, like I started like really learning. I think it was really when I went and got into like human anatomy, like the personal training, the nutrition and like. And then I dove into hormones and I had listened to this book called In the Flow and there's this whole section about sex and hormones. I mean, obviously the book was about the female hormones in the full, complete cycle, but she does talk about, like, how your sex appetite ebbs and flows with your cycle and the different phases of your cycle.
Speaker 1:And so that's when, like I really like it was like a couple of like different aha moments where I was like, oh my God, I'm not, I'm not broken, this is, it's okay.
Speaker 1:And so and I would like get so excited about these things Like I would immediately be texting Robbie like, oh my God, this is like completely normal, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not tanked in this area, it's just what part of my cycle I'm, you know. And then, but then I started opening up and like we were so much more, there was so much more communication around our sex life of like hey, like I'm gonna need you, like we can't engage in this right now because I'm hurting from the last time. And so, oh my, like it was such a turning point for us when I was finally like there was no shame involved and it was never him that put shame on me. Like, let me be that clear, it was never him that brought shame on me, it was shame within myself. Like I felt ashamed that I could not perform in a certain area of my life because it was bringing me pain.
Speaker 2:I felt broken you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:This is before your surgeries or after your surgeries.
Speaker 1:Yeah before, no before.
Speaker 1:Okay, before, yeah, and as far as now, like ever since my surgeries and I know part of the benefit of like not feeling this pain is obviously all the pelvic floor work that me and you have done together.
Speaker 1:But I think the correction of the surgery plus the pelvic floor, like I have not experienced pain since then, like, yeah, even just doing my right side, like I can tell you I have not experienced pain having sex, even on the more spicier nights, right it just I don't know. Yeah, it was interesting to me, it was an interesting, but I will tell you I was freaking terrified to have sex through the recovery, like that was a whole nother thing, that like, but it oddly brought us closer because the communication had to be so present, because I was so fragile. I've never loved my husband more than when we, like it, created such a special bond, being able to just openly communicate about like hey, this is where I'm at, like I'm actually hurting really bad today through recovery. I don't think I can do that today, you know, I don't know, and I feel like he loved me on a way deeper level. Absolutely, I don't know they should.
Speaker 2:They should. Now, you know, the one thing that I want the audience to understand is you know, you came to me as a patient first, and we've already talked about this is not violating HIPAA, because we're both okay with this, oh yeah for sure I'm gonna let the audience know that you, if you go see a pelvic floor therapist, it does not have to be internal work every time, and it doesn't even have to be internal work at all.
Speaker 1:You know it could be internal work on me.
Speaker 2:No, no, and there's you know. I would say again, going back to that 90%, I would say 90% of my day is external work only. It's very rare that I have to do any internal work. Yeah, and I want to make sure patients under or people understand that you don't have to necessarily need internal work and if your therapist is asking you to do internal work, constantly find a new therapist Maybe yeah, maybe step back.
Speaker 1:I'll say it, you don't have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, time to go.
Speaker 2:Exactly Because a lot of it has to deal with, you know, when you're doing pelvic floor therapy for this is what they call dysparenia. Dysparenia is pain with intercourse specifically in the pelvic region. When you go to that therapist, you need to be able to work with your partner as well to make sure you're comfortable with your body, as well as doing some home exercises yourself, and sometimes I know this sounds weird, but like patients in your position, ashley, when you were in that area of what does my body look like after you have a C-section or after you've had surgeries, after you've had vaginal delivery.
Speaker 2:sometimes the first step in getting to know who you are again and making sure everything's okay is getting comfortable with looking at what you look like physically again and I know this sounds weird, but sometimes a mirror goes the wrong way it really does.
Speaker 2:So just be okay with who you are as a person. You created a new person, a new life. If you're a new mom, if you're a mom, that's like oh my God, look at my body, what has it become? You have gone through so much in your life. You have given so much to this world. If you're thinking about becoming a mom and you're still not comfortable with who you are, take a look at that mirror and go. What have I done in my world that I'm proud of? And you know, sometimes those proud things are? I got up this morning. I made myself a cup of tea. Yeah, I was able to breathe. You should be proud of yourself for even doing any of that stuff. You don't have to be like what Ashley and I are. We're very, very go-getters, believe me. I don't expect everybody to keep up with us by any means, because good know is Lord. My husband sits there and goes oh my God, would you just relax for a minute please?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Be proud of who you are you know, from what you can do, from what you're able to do and being able to go. I got this. I got this, it's all good, everything's gonna be all good, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That confidence carries over into the bedroom, for sure.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely, I would say you know, with your recovery, there was a lot of things that we did with your recovery after your surgeries of specifically different positions, to try. Yeah, in your course, we had to look at that and making sure that you could become intimate with your husband again. Yup, I think I can do that.
Speaker 1:God, that first time was so scary, I can tell you. I was like I had no idea how fragile my hips were. Like the only thing that kept running through my mind was like, please, for the love of God, don't go fast, because I don't want anything to shift.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 1:I was because we so we didn't know how to figure it out. And I know, with that right side, like I didn't open up to you in the very beginning of like hey, am I safe to have sex? Like it was kind of one of those things, like me and him just kind of were like one day at a time like figuring it out. And I'll be real honest, like I don't know if this is TMI, but the very first time, like it was to the point where we were both like my God, it's been so long since we've like done anything with each other. And so you know, oh God, as like unromantic and unsatisfying as this is, it was like only hands were in fault. You know what. That's okay, it was okay. Like we just kind of looked at each other and it was this like sigh of relief of like oh, that's all we needed. Like that was okay tonight, you know.
Speaker 1:But then the next time it was like finally, when I know, when I was cleared to have permission to lay on my side, like I was safe to lay on my side, that's how we ended up making it happen that first time. But like it was like turtles' pace guys, like there was nothing romantic or intimate or like it was so like think about the first time you ever had sex and how awkward it is and how it feels. That's how it was having sex after my surgeries, like it was so awkward. And then after like, and I was just this like fragile, like porcelain doll, almost, like he kept asking. He was like are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's really scary. It's great that he checked in. I mean, that's another piece of that homework that I give patients. You know, I'm gonna be vulgar people, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Well, it's just the episode. Go for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one single finger, then working up to two and then performing gentle movements and making sure you're always in control as far as speed, when to stop, how fast you're going, how strong it is, how much pressure is happening, what position you're in. You're always in control of that, you know. The big thing again, like we just mentioned again, we're gonna hammer this constantly is making sure you focus on your breathing, thinking positively about what's happening. Like you said, you just needed that finger to be able to go. I'm okay Having those thoughts of I am okay. My muscles are okay. My body can tolerate this.
Speaker 2:And then gently insert things you know you can do objects. First, make sure you're okay. Make sure you're physically, emotionally, mentally okay. If you need to stop, stop Working on your muscles, making sure you feel like your breathing's under control. If you wanna go further, go further, that's okay. If not, be okay with where you were at. Making sure you give yourself those positive thoughts of, like you said the first time you were like it just hands, just fingers, we're okay, I'm okay, I'm done, I wanna be done. Let's try this Now, like for you, because we were going through that process of recovery with your hips and letting your body know what was happening, I should have gone through a little bit more explicit information. As far as how to have sex. Yeah, Because if you have hip surgery, if you have abdominal surgery, if you've had a C-section, there are ways to have intercourse where you don't have to be on your sides, you don't have to be on your stomach.
Speaker 2:You can be on your back, but not missionary style.
Speaker 2:There's multiple positions to consider and it is okay, like, for instance and I'm gonna give you guys one sexual position to try if you guys are out there and you're like, oh, I'm a little nervous about this. It's an area of expertise that I have that I'm okay with. I am extremely comfortable talking about this with patients, but sometimes patients are a little uncomfortable with it. But I'm gonna give you one thought process Laying on your back, having your partner lay on their side and draping your legs over the top of your partner as they lay on their side, facing you, so it kind of looks like a T position, if you will.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then that way you have control with how deep they go Again, how much force they put in you. You can open your legs up a little bit more, you can close them up a little bit more. It's a little harder on your partner to be on their side and do that position, but it is okay, it's way okay. And sometimes the partner has to have their head on the right side of your body or on the left side of your body. It's okay either way. You know, try it and see what happens, Especially with those C-sections, because you don't really want to use your abs too much With you, specifically your hips.
Speaker 2:We had to be very careful because of the four different fractures you had on each side.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you want to know what position like it took me the longest to be able to do this. Oh my god. Never in my days did I think that I would ever like publicly talk about my sex life. But here we are. There were so many times that I would try to get on top and be on top of him, and you know like sometimes your legs are straightened out and sometimes you're like kind of on your knees, if that makes sense. Yep, yep, girl, my hip flexors would cramp every time. I'm like I can't, I would laugh. I'm like I'm sorry, I know you're enjoying yourself, but I physically cannot keep going anymore. I got to move, but then it was like I didn't have the muscle control anymore just yet, and so it was like a whole freaking process. I was like an old lady, like grabbing the side of the bed to pull myself over and roll back over. I'm like this is so ridiculous, like there was just nothing cute about any of this, Right, but you've got to have that.
Speaker 2:The good thing is, you eventually got there. You tried multiple things. That was your hardest position. That is one of the hardest positions to ever do. As far as your partner laying on their back and you're straddling them. That's a hard position to do.
Speaker 1:It's very hard oh why do you work out? Well? So I can strengthen myself in the bedroom. Yeah, so I can have a really good sex. I can have those spicier nights again.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I love it. I love it, but you know what going? To that one you could have faced a way. Yeah, I tried, it was still so hard. Yeah, it's harder, but it's something to consider for those people who have retroverted uteruses.
Speaker 1:It's okay to do that. Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:So if you know what, direction your uterus is facing, so retroverted means backwards, okay, so, it's not facing the normal anatomical way that other quote unquote normal anatomy would look like. And that retroverted uteruses are typically found in people with like who have PCOS, who have endometriosis?
Speaker 1:I think my sister might have, or maybe hers is like. I don't know if this is a thing, so correct me if it's not. I think hers might be like kidney, shaped like a kidney bean, is that?
Speaker 2:thing, Okay. It is. Oh my God. The uterus can be in so many different shapes anatomically, physically, you can have what they call a bifurcated uterus, which basically means that your uterus is kind of split in half. It looks like a heart shape. And so that's why you have some ladies who can literally have okay, they're pregnant. They're five months pregnant and all of a sudden they're pregnant again.
Speaker 1:Get out of here with that, because no way.
Speaker 2:I know it can happen, but oh heck no yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh heck, no yeah.
Speaker 2:Technically they're twins, but you can have one and then four months later have another one. That is rough on round the edges, but I mean you can have all those different.
Speaker 1:How often? Like what do you think the percentage of that happening? It's a very small percentage, Like what percent of the population out there. Is this happening to? Yeah?
Speaker 2:Ironically, I've had a patient of that nature. No way, are you for real?
Speaker 1:And she was pregnant with two babies. Different gestational times?
Speaker 2:Yes, it was here in town. Yes, it was very rough. It was very rough and you know what, but we made it. And she was one that after she had the first baby, I was like for your safety and for your body to recover effectively, let's have no sex until this other baby's born.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that's rough, you know, because I didn't need to have her get pregnant because she was very susceptible to getting pregnant after birth. Oh, very susceptible, oh my God, because your uterus is shaped that way. It could happen all, oh my God, Could you? I can't like. Yeah, that's a hard pass for me. I would dig a hole and cry.
Speaker 2:So for her specifically I literally had to you know, for she did have dysparenia again pelvic pain and of course she did have dysparenia and it was deep and it was always on one side.
Speaker 2:And poor thing Because of the ultrasounds, because of what was happening. We realized what kind of position her uterus was in constantly. We anatomically knew what it looked like and so we could play with that positioning and got you know. We prepared her for both labors and deliveries. We got her there but we had to make sure her body was back in shape that she needed to be but have that intimate connection with her husband because we did have to say abstinence. We do have to do that. And so having abstinence to you know around different things having intercourse again after even a month worth of abstinence, that can create pain again. So again breathing, getting to know your body again, working up to the point where you can tolerate fingers in there or another object in there, you know, such as a dilator wand of those.
Speaker 2:Those are good things to do. Working on relaxation and I'm going to throw a tidbit out there again, ladies, when you breathe, inhaling is when you're supposed to actually relax, not the exhaling. Inhaling is when you relax. Exhaling is when you actually have a slight contraction. So remember, your muscles have to relax.
Speaker 1:At that point they really do so yeah, I want to ask you a question. Yeah, because I think this is another topic that women are. It's. It blows my mind and this is even, in fact, something that me and my husband have also struggled with, and so this is some self-admittance on my part. It blows my mind how common this actual problem is, but yet any everyone's too embarrassed to talk about it is the fact that how hard it is for women to experience an orgasm from just penetrative sex. Like can we normalize, please, for the love of God, that not every woman experiences orgasm just from penetration. That it requires, it requires some other stimulation, ladies. Like I'm not telling, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1:There were so many years that I was so ashamed of my sex life because I thought that something was wrong with me, and then it translated into my husband thinking that I, that he was not good enough for me and that I was not attracted to him. Oh man, you know what I mean. Like, yeah, and it just breaks my heart that and I didn't start learning these things until I went out and did my own research and read all these books and listened to different podcasts that, oh shit, I'm not broken. I just didn't understand my anatomy enough to provide a little bit of other stimulation.
Speaker 2:Can I honest I'm going to be honest with everybody out there. Okay, Orgasms do not come all the time. With penetration it is very like it's like a 25% I'm trying to remember the statistic in my brain but vaginal penetration, I want to say, is between 20 and 30% likely would to occur with an orgasm.
Speaker 2:And then when you add and again, ladies, I'm going to be vulgar, okay, because we all need to hear this yeah, stimulate the clitoris. Actually that can lead to more of an orgasm chance. It's like 50 to 60%, and specifically using a hand or vibrator is actually very helpful. There is a, there is a population of ladies out there that I think it's like 10 to 20% and I'm trying to remember the statistics offhand right now, but it's 10 to 20% that never have an orgasm.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's sad. That's not me. That's depressing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so that's why you, when you have that intimacy with your partner, it's okay not to have intercourse. Yeah, have that intimacy, enjoy that, like enjoying your food with one another, enjoying just a moment to spend with one another holding hands, having them pick out clothes for you or giving you flowers. Those are all aspects of that intimacy with your partner. So, again, it is okay to not have an orgasm with penetration or in general, it's okay. Don't feel like you're-.
Speaker 1:You're not broken, it's just your anatomy.
Speaker 2:You're not broken. It is and it has to deal with the anatomy and physiology of the body and what nerves are impacted and what kind of rhythmic nervous system contraction your body will do with the muscles involved. You know, and same with men, they don't always have ejaculations. Yep, yep. Which is hard to say.
Speaker 1:Would you agree that, even down to what phase of your cycle you're in as a female, like some phases, it seems like it's harder to reach that orgasm than others? Like, of course, your ovulatory phase? Like yep, you're good to go, you're pretty confident, you're pretty lubricated, you're ready, absolutely, you're?
Speaker 2:fierce. Now some ladies when they have the ovulation stage yeah, you're right, but there's other ladies and I know this discusses a lot of ladies, but when you're on your period, yeah, I've heard that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah so in that yeah, I've definitely heard that. I've heard that with different diagnosis.
Speaker 2:That can happen too, because some people have too much sensitivity in that area that they need to have a down regulation of sensitivity to be able to have an orgasm again.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so sometimes being on that period does help. So you know, yeah, there's some ladies that and this is going to sound weird but there's some ladies that have orgasms constantly and that is sorry for it. They can be stimulated by just sight, smell, sound, touch, like they're clothing.
Speaker 1:I'm definitely not one of those ladies? Yeah, you don't want to be in that quote.
Speaker 2:But if you are, that's a desensitivity. Thing that you have to do for yourself is bring yourself back down because, gosh darn it, you got to wear clothes into today's society. You can't just run around naked. Well, if you?
Speaker 1:live in Europe. There are definitely places you could go, so maybe you just need to move to a different country to enjoy whatever lifestyle you need to embark on, or you go see a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor, and they help you too. That works too.
Speaker 2:And we're getting, we're starting to get our profession with pelvic floor therapists up and going, so that you know some topics like this with sexual pain, with all this, with all this information can be taught you know, you need to find a pelvic floor therapist. If you need to reach out to us, please reach out. I've got a bunch of names that are out through the United States, through Asian countries, African countries, Middle Eastern countries.
Speaker 1:It got those names.
Speaker 2:So just reach out. We're expanding our profession constantly and some of the ladies that I've worked with already are amazing ladies for all this. So yeah, and you know, even though our podcast is one strong mother. You know, pelvic floor therapists work with men too. So if your partner has, you know, get that therapist involved.
Speaker 1:Yep, I'm surely there's men who specialize in pelvic floor too. Very rare Very rarely, I would assume. But I'm sure there's other physical therapists. Like I know, in your clinic you primarily only see women. I know you've talked about the occasional man, but I'm sure there's other. I'm sure there's therapists out there that take on more men. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Then you know that don't, but there is an amazing physical therapist out in Australia that I've done a couple classes with him. He is 100% external. There is no internal whatsoever. That's awesome. And his results are amazing.
Speaker 1:Anthony.
Speaker 2:Love. Oh, that's cool. I'm doing a shout out to you, buddy, enjoy this I've heard that name.
Speaker 1:Where have I heard that name? Maybe just from you talk, I don't know. I've heard that name before.
Speaker 2:He does a lot of your female athletes lots of female athletes trying to get back into there Interesting. And, gosh, he works with Diastasis Recti like crazy. But he's an amazing guy to consult with you and his information is awesome, so we just keep going.
Speaker 1:Well, by golly, maybe we'll bring him on the podcast for an episode one of these days.
Speaker 2:Oh, that would be awesome. I'm sure he enjoyed that like crazy.
Speaker 1:Heck yeah, Heck yeah. You know I think another thing is like just simply getting caught, Like if you're okay, if sex is a struggle in your marriage, ladies, you have to be willing. It's not a comfortable conversation and it has to happen multiple times. Like I can tell you from experience my sex life did not change until me and me and my husband, we both had to just simply start telling each other what we were craving in the bedroom. And I will say in the beginning it was almost kind of awkward. Again, I don't know why. I did not experience any sexual trauma as a kid, so I don't actually really know why I had so much shame around my sex life, but it was almost embarrassing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's wild to me too. Like I don't have any kind of traumatic experiences that I can be like yep, that's where it's stemming from. Just so much shame. Like it was just. And like there were times where, like I would want to try something and all I could think of like is like oh my God, if my mom knew that about me, she would be so disappointed in me. And it wasn't even anything bad or inappropriate, that's what? Like it just blows my mind.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't until I started like really opening up and telling my husband like, but and vice versa, like, hey, like I kind of like this kind of turns me on and then I would share the same and like over time, over multiple, many of conversations. It took us a long time to get comfortable enough to have these conversations in a non emotional environment, Meaning we didn't just have sex. We never talked about this in the bedroom because it could not hold an emotional and emotionally driven, I should say conversation. Like we always talked about this outside of the bedroom and it was never right after sex because I it didn't need to be coming from like a judgment aspect, but more of like a hey, I was, I saw this like or you know, someone else was talking about this like this sounds kind of fun, Like what do you think about this? Or like I don't know, just silly things that are that are just between me and him, right, but yeah, it was such a huge conversation with you. You really do, yeah in American society today.
Speaker 2:that is such a faux pas, and I think it stems from a lot of things from the 1950s, 1960s, about everything. Ha, she'd keep that in the bedroom. Yeah the bedroom is there, but you have to have that conversation with your partners you really do in order to be able to get the pleasure that you want and are seeking and to be able to get that emotional connection.
Speaker 1:If you don't, you're not going to enjoy it.
Speaker 2:You're not going to be in control. You may have pain and that is not okay. So you have to have some of those education. You know that conversation, even if you've never had intercourse before. Having that conversation with hey, I'm really nervous about this, hey, can we go really slow with this? And if I say stop, you know having that safe, safe zone. If I say stop, let's stop, you know we'll try another time, you know, and being okay with where you're at, again you have to have that conversation.
Speaker 1:So definitely, yeah, and even with kids, man, like, once you start having kids and your life becomes you, you definitely, I think every parent, every marriage, experiences this feeling of like well, we're just roommates at this point, like our marriage is failing. We feel like roommates, your marriage is not failing. That's an incredibly taxing time of life and phase and it's incredibly exhausting to be a mom and a dad. You like, communication is key to a successful sex life and holding on to that bond and I hate, I hate that this is like we leaned on down to even like scheduling sex night for each other. That sounds so generic.
Speaker 1:Yes, because then for me, as a female, it helped me mentally build up to that and so, and we held each other accountable, like if it was in the schedule, we definitely held each other accountable to sticking to that schedule. But I can tell you that's like the tides turned with implementing that piece of it too, because it allowed me time to like almost excite myself, like imagining scenarios and like getting mentally prepared and feeling like I would prepare like the day before by shaving my legs and like cleaning myself up and being ready. So like I felt more confident, I was ready, I was more excited, you know. So I think those were big tiffed or big turning points for our entire relationship. But specifically, our sex life was communication, talking about what we were into and owning it. Like now we talk about it and we're like, sure thing, let's do it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, but it's okay. As far as the timeframe, I mean, typically the research shows that you want to have intercourse, probably one time a month. However, they say, whenever you do have intercourse, give yourself the time to be able to enjoy it. So whenever it happens like you're with your husband deployed, you know at this point it's okay whenever he gets back. As long as you set aside the time to enjoy it, become intimate to one another, that's perfect and talk.
Speaker 1:It'll be very. It'll be a lot more than one month when he's back.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we're like little teenagers right now, but you know, yeah, our conversations are very one direction on where our minds are at.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure they are. I am sure they are, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, I'm going to like block my kids from listening to this episode. Anyways, no, we're pretty. Not that we're open about our particular sex life, but we're very open about the conversation of sex and like what the reality of sex and what sex is actually like. And if you happen to watch porn, please do not hold any expectation of it being like that in real life, especially in the beginning, but literally any who well ladies, I think that that's a good closing point before we go too in depth on Ashley's non-existent sex life. So I hope that you gained value.
Speaker 1:I hope that you realize that if you take anything from this episode, please know that you, my friend, are not broken. You may experience some complications and that is very fixable, but the things that you were struggling with does not make you broken. I don't know if you were feeling that, but I've definitely experienced that. As a busy mom, I have on multiple occasions felt broken. Charlie, I'm sure that you have experienced very similar feelings and emotions behind closed doors.
Speaker 1:Please remember that we will always provide like anytime we have handouts, we will always or resources. We will provide those in the show notes. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button because there will be so much more information about pelvic floor health and rehab and prehab and your sex life and how to better your sex life with our course, the One Strong Mother course. So please, please, don't forget to subscribe. And if you are gaining value from these episodes, you guys, please help us grow the show by sharing the episodes. It doesn't have to be on social media, but share the crap out of these episodes with other moms who may be experiencing these same things. Okay, share the show, help us grow and don't forget to subscribe. So until next time, ladies, go out and be One Strong Mother.